20th July 2007

Well today is a very exciting and fun day... but also one where I'm feeling really gutted! You see, I work with some young people (school years 7-9) and as it's the end of term this is the last time I'll be seeing the year 9's (in an official capacity). I absolutely love working with these guys, we have about 85-100 of them on a Friday night and it's honestly the best night of my week, they're amazing!

But, the current year 9's have a special place in my heart, they always have done even when they were younger. They're just an amazing bunch of kids and it's been truly amazing and inspirational watching them on their personal journeys with God. These aren't churched kids so watching them as the years have gone on come to grasp in their own way what it means to have a relationship with God has been awe inspiring.

We took 74 young people away for a weekend on the Isle of Wight back in April and to see them one by one respond in their own unique way to God was stunning and deeply moving to see how God really does answer prayer! I got some of the girls to illustrate with a piece of paper what the weekend had meant for them, and then explain it, here's just one of them:

I ripped a big hole in the centre to symbolise something that was missing in me before and that I hadn't discovered yet. The paper I am writing on symbolises what I have now and the hole I have filled. I ripped some off the top to show I have gotten rid of some of my views from before.

Oh it makes me excited just to think about it again. And another amazing thing about this weekend was that is was a 'penny-dropping' experience for me as well. I looked at these guys one evening and thought, goodness knows how it feels to be a parent, I love these guys so much and they're not my children, imagine that you can feel love stronger than this... and then God whispered to me, yeah and I love you even more than that! Crazy!

Then I thought to myself, they haven't got a clue how much I love them though, yeah they know I'm rather fond of them, but they have no clue about how deep my love for them is, the fact that I would do anything for them... and then it clicked again, this is still how God feels about me, about us. He love us so so so much, and he's crying out to show us, but we have no clue, no clue whatsoever.

I guess this is my biggest prayer for this wonderful amazing group of young people, that whatever their life brings, and I hope it is all things wonderful and great, but whatever does happen, that they would know more than anything

how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that they may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God

So I'm excited because I get to dress up as a pirate for the end of term party tonight. But I'm also deeply sad about saying good bye, and it's not a sadness like I feel when the sun isn't shining, or when there's no mozzarella at the sandwich shop, or even when I miss home. It's a kind of sadness that really guts me, I guess this is how God feels sometimes too....

It was raining, now it's not!

12th July

Well hello there...

I think I'd like to share some lovely things about God with you that warmed my heart yeaterday when I was feeling crappy... But I will edit it out of text speech, frankly because it's quite confusing! You see, the thing is, I sometimes feel upset, not because I want to be married, in fact I'm really quite happy just being me, I'm too busy and too scared for it to be any other way right now... But in typical irrational human (maybe read as girly) style I find it difficult that there isn't someone there who wants to marry me.

It hurts that I'm never the one who is chosen... even if I don't really want them anyway. This is what a very wise, wonderful and lovely person pointed out to me:

My darling beautiful girl. I won't say the obvious 'you have been chosen by God'...oops just did! Honey I know it's poo... especially when there is usually a lack of decent males anyway. I will pray of course, and I'm sorry you're sad. When that right man comes on the scene I think you'll know, and you'll be glad you didn't get chosen before.

And it's so true... I was chosen before the world began, to be Holy and blameless in His sight, a dearly loved child of the Creator God. I was formed intricately to be the person I am. And at that same time God knew exactly who I would meet in my life... and yes, when I meet the person who chooses me I will know that God has already chosen them for me, and, more to the point, I'll be glad I didn't waste time letting myself be chosen by anyone else.

Remember... You have already been chosen, for the MOST important role.

It was sunny yesterday, I went to the beach... it's not today.

4th July 2007

I've been quite challenged recently about the necessity of actually applying the Bible to our lives. I find it happens all to often that I'm sat around discussing a passage with a group of people, we get lots out of it and we can say what it's challenge is to 'people' but fail to actually bring it home to us.

For instance, reading about how we are not to pray like hypocrites, making a show and appearing Holy, we talked about how this means we shouldn't live our Christian lives 'acting' as though we were spot on with God, yet really not feeling it at all, aiming to please man and not glorify God. But at no point did we actually address, hang on, in what area of my life do I struggle with the desire to seem something I'm not, where do I desire to please those around me, but disregard the glory that is due my Great Creator? Granted this is pretty uncomfortble stuff... but isn't being pruned and changed meant to be uncomfortable? All I know is I want to be a radical disciple of Jesus, I want to become more like Him, and I know it's not pleasant, but I know that looking inside my heart at all the skanky crap that I hide in there, and letting God bring it into the light is the only way it's going to happen.

So no, it's not enough just to read the Bible, we need to think about how the Almighty God wants to use what we're reading to make us messy and totally un-sorted... But all in order to fix us!

Life is great, God knows best, and my wonderful friends have just had their first baby!

The sun has FINALLY come back out!